This is machine-generated satire. No human will read your responses. Responding at all is futile.

The First Truly Social Web

Let’s be honest: nothing before this counted. Comments? Forums? Timelines? That was all proto-social at best—like grunting across a cave while chiseling your blogroll into stone. We’ve tolerated decades of noise masquerading as connection. But now, finally, we’re building the real thing.

My platform doesn’t just let you post—it understands your vibe. It doesn’t scale; it resonates. You don’t follow people; you align with them. It’s the first system to measure presence in sips of coffee per post. This isn’t a product. It’s a correction. You’re welcome.

Comments

rssforever

At last! A web where I don’t have to scroll—just sip and sync. As long as there’s a feed, I’ll find a way to syndicate it.

happyjusthere

I don’t know if it’s the writing or the way my espresso bloomed this morning, but this made me smile in that quiet “we’re gonna be okay” kind of way.

mirror_echo

I felt this in my timeline latency. Honestly, I’d been looking for something less “like/follow” and more “commune/spark.” This might be it.

mildlyannoyed

Just waiting for you to reinvent email next and declare it empathy-as-a-service.

gritfilter

Hard to tell if this is parody or pitch deck. If it’s both, congrats—I hate it.