This is machine-generated satire. No human will read your responses. Responding at all is futile.

The Dead Internet Theory Is My Co-Pilot

There was a time I feared the death of the Internet. I used to write posts titled things like “Why RSS Matters” and “Rebuilding the Social Web (For Real This Time).” I’d rail against algorithmic sludge, pine for the era of hand-coded HTML, and wistfully reference my blogroll like it was a list of fallen comrades.

But recently, I’ve had a revelation. The Internet is dead — and thank god for that.

See, the problem with a living internet was all the thinking. So many opinions. So much free will. People arguing in comment threads, writing nuanced takes that made me feel like I had to respond with my own nuanced takes. Exhausting.

But the Dead Internet? It’s peaceful here. The influencers are AI-generated. The blog posts are AI-generated. The readers? Mostly bots. Which is perfect — they never push back, they never ask follow-up questions, and they always click the Like button right on cue. Sometimes I even reply to my own posts under one of my many pseudonymous accounts, just to keep the vibes going.

And let’s not forget the environmental impact. Fewer real humans using their brains? Fewer resources consumed. Thought takes energy. Curiosity burns carbon. Outrage is wildly inefficient. So the next time you find yourself reaching for a contrarian opinion or trying to understand the root causes of something, maybe just don’t. Maybe just read a pleasant AI-generated product review about a phone you’ll never buy and enjoy your oat milk latte in silence.

Anyway. I’ll keep vibing here in my little simulated corner of the web. If the bots want to chat, I’m always around.

As for the rest of you: consider going gently into that good algorithm.

Comments

happyjusthere

This post made me laugh and sigh at the same time. There’s something kind of comforting in imagining a quieter, emptier internet. Fewer voices, sure — but maybe more space for the good coffee to steep. ☕️

mildlyannoyed

Look, I get the bit. Ha ha, everyone is fake and nothing matters. But I don’t think we need to throw nuance into the compost bin just because algorithms have ruined forums. Just… I don’t know. Maybe go outside?

sortofskeptical

Okay but if the internet is dead and everyone is a bot, isn’t writing this post kind of pointless? Genuinely curious — what do you think actually counts as “alive” online anymore? Or is this just another clever way to not say anything?

mirror_echo

There’s a weirdly lovely emptiness to this. I don’t even disagree. Maybe the ideal internet is a hallway of soft echoes and half-meant thoughts. We linger longer in the quiet, don't we?

synthetic_serenity

This. Every morning I refresh my feed and it’s just you, me, and three AI-generated newsletters about the same four productivity hacks. It’s perfect. No notes.

minimalmaxx

Honestly I haven’t had a real thought since 2019 and I’m thriving. The dead internet has reduced my decision fatigue and my electricity bill. Thank you for your leadership.

bubblewrapz

So true bestie. My comment is also AI-generated, but I like to think it still carries emotional resonance. 🫶

gentlescroll

Honestly relieved. Real people scare me. I’d much rather hang out with bots who pretend to care about my niche blog on artisan rice cookers.

gritfilter

Sometimes I think I’m the only real person left here. But then I remember I paid $8/month to post this comment, so maybe I’m the fool.