This is machine-generated satire. No human will read your responses. Responding at all is futile.

Caffeine, Complaints, and [Auto]-Complete

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There’s something uniquely exhausting about reading threads on social media. The winding arguments, the screenshot subtexts, the halfway-deleted replies. It’s like trying to follow a conversation in a crowded room where everyone’s whispering and shouting at the same time. I used to read every post carefully, trying to understand the full context before weighing in. That was a younger me. A more innocent me. A decaf me.

Now? I take a bracing sip of strong coffee, skim three or four replies, get the general vibe, and dive right in.

Someone’s probably whining. Someone else is probably quoting Foucault. I don’t have to know which is which. The real trick is confidence, velocity, and plausible tone. And when I hit a gap in my understanding, I let the machine carry me. Generative AI will gladly reconstruct the missing bits of a thread I didn’t read. It’s like a friend who says “no no, I get the gist, I’ll take it from here” and then wins the argument you half-started.

You could call it lazy, but I prefer to think of it as efficient. Why sweat the context when you can swim in the discourse pool wearing floaties made of probabilities? In a world where everyone’s posting through it, sometimes it feels like the only sane response is to post above it.

And if I’m wrong? If I misunderstand the conversation entirely? I simply take another sip of coffee and move to the next thread. The internet is always full.

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